Man Of Mystery

Just a Normal Man

2005-10-12T00:15:00.000-05:00

I've been wanting to get this out for sometime now, its been running through my head here and there so I might as well let it out. A few months ago I started realizing that Jesus was just a normal man. Now of course I pretty much knew that just like everbody else does, but I started thinking of the regular things Jesus would do on any given day. Thankfully I'm glad every single day of Christs existence wasn't recorded, it would leave nothing to the imagination, for instance. Did you ever realize that just like every man in this generation Jesus would get up everymorning to take a Wizz ? He'd probly fart so loud that the Disciples would get annoyed at times. How did he chew his food ? We all know that 99.9% of Humans look pretty stupid when chewing food, but did Jesus ? How did he react when a bee stung him or when he stepped on a pointy rock ? These are just a few things that I've been wondering about, we always read about the spiritual side of Christ but what about his Human side, the side of Humor that I'm sure he did have, the side of annoyance or frustration. Another good one to think about is the random and idle chat Jesus and his disciples would have as they walked somewhere, its not like they could bring up the score of the Oilers last Hockey game.......so then what would they talk about? Maybe they didn't talk at all, maybe they had a clique and Jesus wasn't involved in it cuz he was to cool. Maybe they just complained about there sore feet and broken nails.
The reason I'm letting myself wonder about these things is because I know for myself that I forget sometimes that Jesus was Human and went through everything I've faced and will face later on in life. We can relate so much better to Christ knowing that he was just like us, and I'm very thankful for that.

rEaLiTy's ReTuRn..I'm Back?

2005-09-10T13:17:00.000-05:00

Good Day Everyone,

So yeah its been a while since I last posted anything, I just haven't got around to it much. I had a great summer, I was a councilor for four weeks at Teen Time Camp, and as hard as it was some days/weeks, I got through it, knowing I've grown a lot on the inside. I've seen many sunsets, a few sunrises, I've found places nobody knows about but Me and Jesus, I found that having more the one friend is ok, that I can handle it. This summer was also good for me seeing is how I now see that people truly and deeply love me for who I am, its ok to be myself, completely myself. I still shy away from people, events, places, but I've never felt more open. For now I think this is the best I can do, when one of my more poetic days comes up I'll put some stuff down, I'm just lettin you guys know that I'm still Alive.

Peace

I Like Your Eyes

2005-07-12T00:52:00.000-05:00

Howdy,

So I've been having some random thoughts over the past week or so and I thought that a couple of these thoughts could be blogged cuz I'd like to know if what I'm gonna say makes any sense to somebody.

Well I started thinking about eyes and life and how they are connected. I don't know about yall but I use my eyes to look at things, people, words on paper, etc... My eyes allow me to view the multiple directions I'd like to travel in. I like my eyes. God gave me life, and in this life I have chosen to keep him by my side, so we can walk the road togther. So I started to figure this: If I didn't have God in my life then I don't think I would need my eyes. Knowing what life is like with God in my life (so far) is really the only way I know and understand and agree with. Without having Christ in my life I would just be a walking body, with nothing to live for but whatever the world offers. It would just be the basic " working, getting married, raising kids, watching the game with my buds, and dying shortly after" I don't want that life, not at all, I desire purpose and I long to be with my creator/saviour. I'm pretty sure that God gave me these eyes so that I would follow him, see the things he's gonna do for me and for others throughout the course of my life.

" I am convinced that without Christ in my life, I would not need eyes, For there would be nothing to see. "

So Please, Love Your Eyes, Use Them Wisely.

* This is not in conjuction or has anything to do with blind people, they have their own stories I'm sure, God Bless them *

Rain On Whyte not alone

2005-06-24T01:03:00.000-05:00

This post has to do with something that I can't get enough of. Yesterday ( June 23:Wednesday) I decided to go to Edmontons famous "Whyte Ave" I didn't want to go for shopping or picking up ladies, I wanted to go for some alone time, some Jordan and Jesus time (he and I go way back to '88) I took the train, listened to my iPod the whole way. I'm hooked on a new song by the good old Backstreet Boys....thats right...BSB. Their song is called "Weird World" I like the song not just for the message, but just the music in it, its comforting to me and I enjoy getting lost in the piano tones of that song. Now I went and did my thing in Chapters as I drank my coffee, on my way out I had such a great time. Pieces of a Blue Sky were patched up there mixed with a soft orange blend on the bottom. On the top these black clouds were pressed into the sky like a background as others hung very very low. There was something in the air that night, the smell of the rain, the smell of whyte ave, the smell of this one girls perfume. I felt so alive as I walked to the University, I felt like something I had been missing so long was coming out of me, like an old best friend came back to visit me. God and I had a great time, I talked with him as I felt his presence in the wind, haha, I'm walking down whyte, under this mysteriously beautiful sky, crying, crying because God paid me an overdue visit, he came to say hello and keep me company on my way home, so I walk and shed tears. I'm not really sure what I'm getting at here, this post might be my most irrelevant to date, but I felt God last night, in the sky, in the smells of the air, in the backstreet boy song (yup) I felt him and his presence hovering over my heart, ridding it of its stockpile of sins and regrets. I honestly never expected him to visit me, but nonetheless I'm glad he did. On my bus ride home I noticed this (what I thought) was a very young girl about 14 years of age on a trip. She was doing some type of drug or many types but the instant I looked at her face, I felt such an impression on my heart to pray for her, and to pray hard. And I did just that, I knew I was done when I felt better, more then better. God makes a point of reviewing our hearts passions every now and then, to see where our faith is, to have us see where our faith is. It would be awesome to do good works by faith everyday all day without screwing up and/or giving up. But the truth is, everyday needs to be taken hold of, and brought before God. I'm ready to give God his days, it'll be a slow start, but its a two way commitment, and I know he's all in. There will always be something in the Rain for me, I suggest to all of you, if there is a storm nearby, a beautiful storm, go outside and talk to God....please.

Room For Squares ?

2005-06-19T02:55:00.000-05:00

So I have a story that I personally think is pretty cool. When I was a kid I was kind of geeky, not a nerd because nerds are smart but geeky is where I fit it in. Although the friends I had were not geeky (except for one..later on). We all played sports like young boys should, we all swore when we felt is was (un)necessary, we fought or should I say I got into a lot of fights, mainly with my best friend at the time, every year of elementary since kindergarten we would have an all out brawl, we were always friends after but still, I'm not sure to why this happened so much. I was the best dancer in my class, I had all the moves, I took them mainly from the New Kids On The Block, MJ, Mc Hammer, Vanilla Ice, you know, the guys with the talent. But basically I was the geeky kid in the class, I wasn't that smart, I always struggled in school, I was a great reader, but when it came to math and crap like that..I just couldn't deal with it. During this time my spiritual life was well..."there" I always knew there was God and Jesus since I was like 5 years old, we went to church which was boring just like any other kid would think, I went to camp only for one week out of the entire year, and boy would that do me some good and bad, it would take me at least two weeks to get over the fact that camp has ended and that I won't be back until next year, it hurt everytime. Entering jr.High was a scary time for me, most of my friends went to different schools and we all lost contact very quickly, and yet most of us lived within less then a 1 mile radius of each other. I began to hangout with the only friends I did have which were two people from my elementary, they started to head down the wrong path and I followed, never doing anything super wrong but for the most part I could feel something was amiss.

This part is cool cuz this is where God steps in when I was stepping out and away. In Gr.8 I lost my boys from my previous years of school, I lost them to drugs and other wrong crap. So one day on this field trip I met this guy named Mike, who then knew this guy named Jon, and both knew this little turd named Tiberio. At the time I didn't like Tiberio, he didn't like me, I talked a lot with Mike as the weeks went buy and we hit it off, eventually all 3 of us became really good friends. Us 3 guys were very weird together, we made up our own words, talked strangely, constantly punched each other in the arm, we became somewhat popualr, cuz now the geeks had a crew, and we got recognition for that, soon all the other "cool" peeps would talk to us and chill with us once in a while..it was good. One day something hit me, and I realized that God gave me these friends, to get me out of the dark path I was being led down, with these weird, geeky retards God saved me, he sent me those guys. Now the best part about it is this, those guys needed a leader, they needed someone to follow, someone who was not an idol type, but someone who was just like them, someone they could talk to and admire and relate with. I was that person, the geeky kid that followed everyone else, later became the leader. We're all still friends, all through high school, we still hangout on occasion, except for one of us.

God knew my heart and he knew my potential, I can say that, that was the first time I actually noticed God doing something in my life, something empowering and uplifting and maturing for me. Recently a girl noticed a picture of mine on the net and she couldn't believe it was me, how good looking I got was her main surprise, but still I'll take it anyway, she was blown away. Also last year I ran into a guy I haven't seen since gr.6, he's all slow in the head from the Mary Jane he's been smoking since gr.7. It goes to show that God does have a plan for the unoticed ones, the geeky ones, the forgotten, the horribly shy ones. I look at this story and it reminds of other stories like how the tortise beat the hare, or how the Jedi Returned...eventually. I'm proud to be a Christian, to be used in ways other people will never have the chance to because they themselves do not see their own potential nor will God touch that potential without surrender to him. Room for Squares as a title fits nicely for many of my own reasons, I was a square and God made sure that there was more then enough room for me.

Visions...I Think?

2005-06-10T02:25:00.000-05:00

So last year sometime I came home after church ( I think) and I sat on my bed, and just...sat there, then I switched from sitting to laying. The lights were on, my eyes were open, my room was messy and ugly as usual. As I layed there I started to think about Summer Camp (Teen Time Camp Of Edmonton) I thought about last summer and even though I was only out there for two weeks, they were the most amazing two weeks of my summer that year. I've always felt that I need to surprise somebody, I need to impact somebody or a group of people, I've always thought that one day when everybody least expects it I'm going to do something that will amaze and astound people, that would change everybody's opinion of me, something that would cause the box around me to dissolve in the heat and energy that I would explode in. *(back to my story)* So as I lay on my bed I started to see something, something very familiar but a little different. In my head I saw the outdoor amphatheatre (the O-Dat) and I saw everybody having WOG (Word Of God) Now during WOG we begin with singing songs, and that usually involves somebody playing guitar while a few other camp leaders come up to lead songs (do actions, sing harmonies) and in this " window " in my head I saw myself playing the guitar and singing along with the rest of the camp. Now I can tell you that at this moment I couldn't believe how happy I was, how good I felt, and how happy I was in this, sort of.."vision". The next vision came when right after the last one, and it was me again except this time we were all on the beach having a campfire, and instead of singing songs, it was time for the "spiritual director" to come up and speak a bit about Jesus. The best part of this vision was that the spiritual director that came up to speak was ME. And again, I was just being blown away at the simple fact that I was seeing me doing what I've seen lots of other older male and females do ever since I was a wee lad. After taking both of these things in I sat up on my bed, wrote about it, and asked Jesus if what I saw was true and if it could be real. He never really gave me a straight answer, but what I got out of it was..."it can be reality if you try" thats the answer I felt inside me. Now about a year later I can tell you that I have not tried, I have not learned any of the camp songs, nor have I prepared any wicked/amazing messages that I could speak about at camp. I didn't try, at all I'd say...but surprisingly enough I don't feel discouraged nor do I feel like there is no point left in trying. Just thinking back to those visions stirs my heart up even more so then it did before, its like God has given me seeds to plant, and I've planted them I just keep forgetting to water them and thats because I'm forgetful and lazy and not motivated. But I'm convinced that the Lord knows my passions for his Word, he's attached strings to those passions so that even when I forget about what I'm doing or where I'm going he gives those strings a good yankin to let me know that I need to squint to focus in on whatever it is he's wanting me to do. Those visions are what I'm gonna amaze people with, now I know that this is God's work, its his ministry and is truly not about me, but really I see it as a 2 in 1 bonus, spreading the word to the kids, and having me do it.

The End.

What The Morning May Bring.... (The afTer-gRad)

2005-06-06T00:47:00.000-05:00

"It's party time!" yelled some guy I don't know. Here at my friends house we all sit in her big backyard around a fire at our feet, cooking hot dogs, having a decently great time. I know most of the people here cuz I am involved with these people during mainly the summer time. They are my friends and I love them dearly. Soon the booze started to roll out and people from my friends school started showing up, bringing whatever type of alcohol they enjoyed. It's 2am and I'm having a great discussion with my friend about the summer camp we're involved with and certain issues that are circulating around it. It was a heated discussion, a very passionate one..for me especialy. I love working out at that camp, I love working with kids, and telling kids about Jesus and what he's done. Trying to get their minds wrapped around something so mysteriously big brings excitement and joy to my heart. We ended up ending our conversation on good terms ( I got through to him) so I was happy about that, as time went on I saw more and more people getting drunk, my friends getting drunk, some smoking the Greenage, others just enjoying a nice night (cuz seriously it was a nice night) I'll be honest about something...I wanted to drink, not to get drunk (NEVER) but just to have a beer and enjoy it with my boys. But I fought the temptation, cuz I realized that most of these people I work with look up to me, spiritually, they know and see how strong I am in Christ, how passionate I am, if I start doing crap that might hinder that then I am doing them nor myself no good. I do have an alcoholic beverage once in a while, very rarely, but only with people that understand and that won't judge me based on what I believe and how I live my belief. So after firmly telling myself NO I became very happy inside, I started seeing that these people needed help, they were not feeling good. So at about 4am my friend Nicole was sitting in a chair and she looked sad, and tired, and my heart jumped inside me and I picked her up and I pushed her around her backyard, I forced her to "walk it off" and rather then have myself sit there, being all quiet and boring I became this extrovert, one that I liked, and just by investing some time, I had her smiling and feeling better, I then decided that the place was to messy so I cleaned it up, I swept and swept and made the place look much better along with the help of my friends (that weren't so drunk..anymore) I also cleaned up my friends puke, after watching him throw it up. I will say that watching him puke was highly entertaining for me, I had a good laugh. I sprayed it down, and made it look all nice again. at about 5am I put on my latest cd of Mat Kearney, and I will tell you, that Cd is brilliant, it really mellowed the atmosphere, I sat in my chair after doing all this work and I just felt so peaceful inside, so happy about what I was doing and who I was helping, happy about what image I was giving off to my friends. I haven't felt this way in a long time, or ever and it was so great to sit down infront of a fire and listen to Mat Kearney, I couldn't believe how amazing his music is, people were asking me who this guy was and where they could get his cd, that made me feel great. So as weird as the night was, I had an excellent morning with my friends and Mat Kearney thanks to Jesus.

Brown Dude Can't dAnCe

2005-06-06T00:17:00.000-05:00

I'm invited to my friends Grad. Lots of people, food tasted great. The tables are cleared and moved and the dance floor opens up. The Beat starts and I am dragged out of my chair to a mass of people moving oddly to music that I'm not a fan of. This is where I begin to think, "why did I come?" "Why must I get suckerd into these things?" The truth is (other then from me being brown) is that I can not dance. I'm so trapped inside my box that I can not come out enough to even move my hips. Now, there are some ways to make me move...somewhat. First Off I find it easier to move to Rap music, although I'm not a huge fan of rap, I enjoy it mostly when i'm at a dance or something of that sort, its way more easier to "lean back" or "Rock Away" then it is to "Jive" or "Boogie" at least I find it is. But I'll tell you this, way back in the days of Old SKoOl I used to have all the moves, from the best there was. MCHammer, New Kids On The Block, and Michael Jackson...(duh) that was back in elementary, I was the class geek, but when I hit the dance floor I Owned and everybody knew it. But for some reason as time went on I locked up somwhere, I took off my dancin' shoes and lost them somewhere, this is sad. The one good part is, is that I had 3 other males which were my friends, help me at least to venture out of my box for even just a bit, these guys are nutZ, they will just move, like idiots, except it works, and people were annoyed but laughing and ended up copying their moves, this has helped me in some sense, you know, having a dance possy back you up. I guess I should learn to dance better, cuz someday, down the road, I will have to pull out to craziest set of dance moves the world will never see, and as God as my witness, the world Will Be Amazed.

Interception ?

2005-06-02T02:25:00.000-05:00

I am naming this post " interception?" because I feel as though my heart has been intercepted by the words from a story about a God searching man. I just finished this book called " Blue Like Jazz" and I don't think I've ever been as blown away by a book as I am right now. It all makes sense to me, in parts of that book its as if this guy was reading about me, about what I have inside of me. Its crazy...I'm not sure what else to say but that You (whoever you are) must find this book and read it, it will help you. And Mad Props to Donut for lending it to me.

Well now that I've said that I don't really think I have much to say. Umm...YC was this past weekend and I will say it was really good GRITZ was flippin unreal and for that I would like to thank God for making black people...yes I am extremely thankful for that. I did a lot of thinking while at YC, I was doing this because my job was to babysit a camera man...a good man...but one with a boring job. I thought about the things on my heart, not whatever is floating around in my head, but the things that really matter, like any issues I have with people, the burden that work puts down on me, my spraned foot, and girls. I think I am getting to into myself, to into walking around by myself, I enjoy it but I feel its time to really challenge myself, to step out of my box a bit more and smile at someone when they were not expecting one from me. I am excited about trying this out, daring myself to be better then what I am right now, its fun, and I think Jesus fully supports me on this, infact he's the dude backing me up on this. I know I'm noticed, although I'm quiet and shy and mostly always have been I've always wanted to be noticed, we all have that want to be a rockstar, or at least to maybe once in a while attain that type of attention...I don't think there is anything wrong with it...I believe there is something in all humans that want to entertain the world with something unique and highly original, something only God has put in them, something that you will never see twice...we want to jump off our asses and let it out in one massive PiRo TeChNik LiGHt ShOw, but a lot of us won't be able to do that, because we firmly believe we can't, we were told that "it won't put dinner on the table" Now I know most parents have said that one time or another but I'm thinkin that we should stop listening to that, how are we truly supposed to know that we are even worthy of something AMAZING when we won't dare ourselves to do something cool ? Drastic action needs to take place, a new mindset needs to be grasped. I am convinced that as long as you love Jesus purely and simply with passion and that you believe that Jesus loves you the same way but a KaGillion times more then you will do UNBELIEVEABLE things. Now it may not be a "Crazy Light Show" infront of thousands of people...but it might be to the one person to whom God lead you to....

Subject : Rain

2005-05-24T00:20:00.000-05:00

So I was over at my Grandparents place from late Sunday till Monday evening. We were planning to have ourselves a bonfire but it didn't workout. The one event that prevents families and friends from enjoying a nice fire outside, roasting marshmallows, making smores, simply playing with the fire itself is of Course a Thunderstorm. Looking at the clouds above us we were convinced that Sunday night was not a good night for being outside, wind was picking up, clouds were black, and hung real low as to intimidate us with its immense size. And as everyone was heading inside I noticed something, something in the air, it was a smell, a smell of something extremely original, something we have not yet been able to duplicate in any form, it was the Smell of Rain. There is something about that scent that is uplifting to me, the scent that the "Forest" at my Grandparents place gives off is simply Heavenly. I could honestly feel something inside myself pushing me to go outside and walk in the darkness amongst the trees only to take in the smell of something so freeing to me. This whole blog is weird, and I think it makes me sound like a little fairy boy, but I simply don't care. I wonder if the Bible talks about the smell of Rain, and maybe God's intentions for it, that would be awesome. I'd like to know if something as this has the power in it to free people from certain sins in there life, to bring a sense of peace to the mind and soul. I do find peace in Rain, I enjoy how we can go with a week of amazing weather and then at the end give the sky its time to cry, its time to unleash on us its worries. We all know that when a Thunderstorm comes in we hope it will speak for us, that the black sky of clouds and noise and bolts of light will maybe free us of our own chaos inside ourselves. (don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talkin 'bout). It's ok though. The image I have in my head is so simple. The Sky cries, lets it all out, and when its all done, the grass is greener then it was before, there is more of it, the smell is richer and fuller and pure. Pure being the biggest one for me, its pure, there are no impurities in the smell of natural rain covering the trees of a forest or park. If I had my way I'd be walking around in the woods, lost, but content in what I'm doing, how I feel...Till I got hungry, but still. I'm not the only one who enjoys this, I know a few peeps that love it as well. And I figure, Jesus loves Rain, it draws our attention to his higher place. He Rains on us. This to me is a smell that all the crack-heads, meth addicts, and people hooked on death should completely wrap themselves into, they can take as much as they'd like. I figure I've been quiet for a while, but I'm still here.

Inside Wants Out Part II.

2005-05-15T02:00:00.000-05:00

Hi,

So I felt like typing some stuff tonight. There is this person that I always tell " I have nothing to blog about " and every time I say that I end up blogging something.

So I think its funny that Our Hearts which in its physical form is a pump. "A pump you say?" Yes a pump, just like a pump that pumps water or air, ours pumps blood through our bodies. It's true, our most important physcial/biological mechanism is a pump and if not treated properly will cause us to plainly die. Yup it's true. But why did God have a different plan for this wee little pump ? Our hearts not only have physical issues but emotional issues, and one biggy, Spiritual Issues. So in my mind this kind of sucks, the one muscle that (if ever stopped) would kill you and yet it is open to attack on two more different battle fields. I'm glad for one thing that God allows us to feel, it lets us know we aren't so cold hearted just yet, its Conviction or Guilt, (whichever floats your boat). These feelings cause us to box ourselves in, try to find whats wrong, and shut it down. But sometimes we never do shut it down, sometimes we can't without the right tools. This is where Jesus comes in, he's the fix it guy, the handy man that I let freely come into my "hearts house" to fix whatever problem has arised. The hardest parts are when he begins his work, the noise, the frustration, the annoyance of all the things he's moving around, throwing out, or putting in order. It kind of..hurts. But to understand that had you ignored the problem, your heart would have been a mess, pipes leaking everywhere, holes in the walls, and you would have been more exposed and damaged, then without his banging around in there. I pray that all of us feel conviction in our lives, only for you to meet the handy man that can fix any problem no matter how big, or small, or wide or long or expensive. Cuz the bill that I recieved didn't have any numbers on it, it had words, and it read " You know who I am, You know what I do, Call me anytime 24 hours a day 7 days a week, even if you just want to talk" I understood that. As I pray you do.

I Thank You.

c-Hype

2005-05-06T01:33:00.000-05:00

Authors Note: I feel like I have something to blog and so I'm going to, it needs to come out of me. I feel like I'm stepping out into the light a bit only to show something you might disagree with. But the funny thing is...I don't care what you think...but I do care on what you have to say.

Well this evening as the clouds rolled in I went for a walk with my mother, it was a nice walk, a pleasent walk. My mother and I usually have really good Conversations about God, or whatever it is we choose to discuss as we walk. I brought up the previous youth leaders meeting we had at church on Tuesday. I'm going to flat out say that I felt uncomfortable, I thought all the leaders were acting strangley to one another, not mean, but not positive either. I also felt that our Youth Pastor was acting horribley stupid, by saying weird things and making weird comments. My thinking is he was trying to be funny, trying to make people laugh but he failed at that Oh Boy did he ever, at least in my eyes. Now I guess they want to change the way the style of the program is setup, I think what they want to do is stupid and it won't work, but I'm glad they are trying, and thinking of what they can do, and that they're making it happen. This is all "whatever" with me but then Pastor "_____" starts saying " C'mon guys we need souls, think souls, we need to start really saving souls". This is where I draw the line. What about souls ? What about throwing a Jesus Ball into their faces ? I don't like the mentallity of (almost literally) throwing ourselves onto a person just to believe in God, get their "soul" saved. There are reasons people look the other way, there are reasons people say that "Christians are pushy" I don't know about yall but I myself am not into PowerDriving a church concept of God into someones life that simply won't take it. Of course God is good for us..infact GREAT for us, no doubt in my mind. But to honestly act like a Jesus crazed moron, running our mouth at every person/chance that comes our way, not even realizing what we're saying to these people, Just does not sit well with me. I've always believed in planting the seed. " You can't force a tree to grow no matter how much water or sun you give it, it will take its own time to do what it needs." There is a process people go through to discover things they will either Hate about themselves or Love about themselves, to find reason for existence. In this process they will make choices, they will come accross crazed Christians and they will think what they want, but I hope that a person questioning where he/she is can come across a Christian that isn't so nuts, but that is blunt, DOWN TO EARTH a person they can relate to, a person that wants to hear Why they don't want to believe, whats preventing a revelation of heart; basically somebody who will just plain Listen. We need not be psychos for God, just ourselves, we can be as unhinged and passionate to God as much as we choose to be, but when dealing with people that don't believe, that have lived complete opposite lives...Just listen to them, hear their heart, give them that seed, something whole, but small enough to put inside a thought, a thought that might circulate enough to change ones mind, to take risks. I bet even consideration for something heavenly gets Jesus all excited.

*Takes a Breath as if Speaking"

The other part that I can't stand is "Hype" and not just any Hype but " Christian Hype" yeah thats right we got Hype like its going out of frigin style. If you've ever been to YC in Edmonton then you'd know "c-Hype" <---(Gangster Slang) I love YC and I think its awsome, and amazing in soo many ways, but what I hate is the Hype that is built around it, its basically just a 3 day concert/program event filled with tons of shows by Christian artists and messages that are...good. I had a friend that wanted to become a Christian, he himself found a church to attend, had real good, strong friends in it, and made it mandatory that he attend all the time (this all took place in one weeks time.) He did love Jesus, he was always wanting to know more and more and more..and I almost ran out of stuff to tell him. It was awsome cuz on days that we'd slack off in Welding class the two of us would go into the far back of the room and I turn into a black gospel preacher. It was amazing for the both of us. But when my buddy came to YC he lost sight of everything he'd learned to love, instead he fell in love with the Bands that he saw playing, all the MERCHANDISE that the bands sell, and the "spectacle" that YC brings to its church going fans. All he did after YC was talk about how cool Toby Mac was, but when John started going back to church he got bored, uninterested, he'd tell me how much better YC was then church. All in all my good buddy John fell in love with the Hype of YC, the food, the laughter, the bands, the merchandise. I did all I felt I could do to have him hold on, but he just didn't see Jesus in the same light as he did before, and when he turned 18 even the Hype left him and he drove himself in the worlds core like a meteor. To me there is a "RAWness" to God, to the Bible, to Jesus. Something soo bitterly true that it can stop us dead in our tracks. But here we are making fancy light shows, and sugar coating everything, acting like little giddy school girl retards proclaming that Jesus ruined my life. Whatever happened to depth and realism? Cuz those people that bought into the HYPE of Christianity will have no foundation to build a lemonade stand on. The Only place we're going to find true rawness of the word...is the word itself and the Mouth Of Jesus, cuz he didn't sugar coat a damn thing.

These again are my opinions and thoughts, feel free to say what you will. I say good day.

Jordan.S

Thinking...Of a Day

2005-04-30T01:50:00.000-05:00

"One day, the Sun will get to feel its own warmth of its golden rays of light, and the moon shall wonder of the stars both day and night. Till not one shall pass through another, nor lay unseen as if undercover. I've wondered of these things, inside and out, a rumbling in my tummy, a voice that wants out. Have you seen the sky in its undeciding blues? Like stories from the bible, except clouds blew over..two by two. I have someone of whom I can express my heart, its difficult,trying, but it used to be just a start. I now can rollover, in my memories of past, trying to find which one I can remember last. I tell this person sides only they see, because in the end what they see, in me, is a truthful reality. I am not over this, but I am for today, today has come and I am much to late. I will lay to rest, and dream of things he knows is best...for Me."

Inside Wants Out

2005-04-24T23:58:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking if I should post something tonight, I'm just...thinking about it. Cuz if I do it might take me sometime, alot of stuff in my mind to sift through, filter out the unwanteds. Have you ever felt annoyed sometimes (of course you have...like right now as you read this) cuz seriously sometimes I feel so annoyed and I get kind of angry, not at the person thats annoying me but at myself, just for feeling that way, then I'll just go home and pick up my guitar and take out all my frustration on it (playing) while getting frustrated because I can't figure out anything on it in the first place. But I'm happy to be a non-social person, of course I'm not completely non-social but.. just a wee bit. I feel that God is gonna use me behind the scenes, people won't even have a clue what Jesus and I are up to, and when they hear about it they'll be like "Oh my, not Jordan, he's so quiet and ewww." Yeah thats what they'll say.. as I laugh. I always sound like I'm complaining about something, I don't want anyone to think that i'm just a complainer, I mean...so I don't have my life together, but I'm young, and horribley dependent and that saddens me, but I know I can change it, I'm in the midst actually. I mean...its not like I'm trying to impress anybody, cuz I just don't have anyone in my life to do so. Although...it would be nice, to show off sometimes, you know, maybe make a person think, when you didn't say anything, you only walked into the room knowing that there is someone special waiting for you, hoping you'd "end up" sitting beside them without anyone noticing, having it just be natural. I would like that. But being where I am doesn't allow me to enter into any such opportunity, I need to grab something that will just give me a reason to get up when I need to, to do what I need to, to get what i need, to do what I want....

But I believe I have already found that, infact I sooo did. I shall not mention the name of this person it would be sooo obvious and everyone would be like " Oh no, you idiot" But the name is irrelevant anyway. I'm just glad that person is there. Then there is Jesus, a good man I heard. He's done so much for me, I think I owe him, like pretty much my whole inside. John Mayer's first cd is entitled Inside Wants Out, I thought this would be a good title for many parts to come of my off-minded rambling; I will get into his music later and tell you all what I think about what he's saying and how I relate to his words. I would like to apologize for my lack of periods throughout this blog. I hope yall don't think I'm complaining, cuz I'm trying not to, but if you do think I am then "Oh Well" its gonna happen whether you like it or not. But just read and comment and I'm all cool with that. Now I have to go read these books that this poet/writer gave me, she's local but she'll be big someday...I would know.

I thank U.

SunLite.

2005-04-23T00:50:00.000-05:00

Hey,

Today was a good day, after my boring day at work I met a friend for coffee to talk about some issues she was dealing with. Rather then sit in a congested building, we decided it would be better to sit outside, and so we moved our meeting to the shade of a nice tree on City Hall grounds. We talked for a long time about how God is convicting her to move on with her life, and forget about what she's held first in her life. Tears fell, and smiles made a welcome appearance when they did show. Sitting there talking with her, with the sunlight surrounding us and the gentle breeze mediating our temperature, I found this to be a beautiful day, a day where I can think back and thank Jesus for friends and sunlight. I had the opportunity to talk to a good friend of mine about Jesus, and how he's supposed to be number one in our lives, how he longs for our hearts, how we should long for his. To think that she wanted to talk to me, Me ! Nothing is better then sharing wisdom and knowledge and scripture, I have such a spring in my heart, I'm pumped about something. I love opening the hole in my head and letting all of my spiritual goop mess up everything, it makes me more thirsty to know more, to discover more. The girl I was talking to was dealing with a verbally abusive person in her life, someone that would bring her down to the point where she started to believe the things she was being told, my heart breaks to hear that even some of my closest friends are treating their loved ones like crap. I will not stand for it. But everything is clearer now, in her eyes too.

Taking the LRT home can be a swell time, seriously, just enjoy it. On my way home today a family came on board and this wee little girl sat infront of me, and her big eyes staring out the window just made me smile as I recognize her curiosity, her innocence. We went through a tunnel and those eyes just got bigger and bigger and her smile wider, I was smiling and yet I for some reason had it on my heart to just cry, cry because what she carries, her innocence and genuine interest of discovery might all be lost if she is lead down the wrong path, I prayed that God would just protect and bless those three kids, and that the next generation to come would have a seed in there hearts, seeds to sow through our prayers. Her eyes were sooo big, I just hope that God only lets sight to good things.

Twas a Great Day for Jordan. I Thank You.

Why I Hate my Job

2005-04-21T22:38:00.000-05:00

*Warning* This post will reveal a slight bitter side to Jordan, but this is just a warning*

Good Evening yall this post is all about how much and why I hate my job. Let me start off by saying very early this morning I woke up at 3:30am Alberta time and thought that my alarm clock had gone off, but it didn't and so I fell asleep once again. At 4:30am Alberta time I woke up again but this time it was much different. I was in a dream state and in this dream I was actually going to be late for work, so I was anxious within the dream, but when 4:30 hit my mental clock my body convulsed and I literally jumped out of my bed, I was laying horizontal and my body took flight. I landed on something hard, and I hurted myself. Bad start to a boring day. But now on I go with why I hate my job. I am a janitor at a hospital, I don't feel at all special, I'm treated like garbage cuz I am just the guy that cleans up the crap. My supervisors underestimate me, and working in a place filled with Robotic bitter people is making me feel...weird. As you can tell their bitterness might be rubbing off on me.

The truth is, I am lazy, I can admit this with openess and shamefull eyes. I pray God does such a work in me, where I can come to work and accept it for what it is and where I am. If anybody has some guidance then that would be most appreciated.

This wasn't a post, it was me complaining, and it felt good. I thank you.

Intro

2005-04-20T22:05:00.000-05:00

Good Night everyone. Seriously its night time and I have to get up at 5am so why I'm doing my first blog now is plainly stupid. My brain isn't working properly and after eating to bowls of strawberries I feel..funny to say the least. Yes my name is Jordan and this is my first blog, well my first real blog. As of right now I would like to thank a girl that I know for encouraging me to start blogging, it feels good to be pushed to write the stuff that comes out of my head. Anyways the girl I'm thanking goes by the name of Kristy-Anne; yes she gets mad props. Moving on I will say that by "blogging" it takes alot of guts to do so, you end up exposing yourself verbally,emotionally, and mentally and I'd say for 90% of people these days thats hard to do. Judgement is rampid as I'm sure it always has been, but for some reason I think its just more intense in this generation. Its unfortunate. But I'm taking a step and letting people know what I think, my opinion only matters to those who care to read my opinion, whether you choose to believe it or not is entirely up to the given person. This is my introduction, it isn't much but just you wait and see, I'll write so much random garbage that I might make you cry. Anyways I'm out sorry for being so short but its late and I'm sleep drunk. If you find any spelling mistakes, refer back to "sleep drunk". I Thank You.